I got a better night of sleep than expected, considering how hot it is. Even with the AC working overdrive it is still hot. Today I am doing something for me--- I am going with 7 friends to different wineries. Denise and I have been trying to make this happen for a while and I am beyond pumped.
So far today I have been doing great with the eating--- that is my first goal. To eat well and drink plenty of water. I am going to work on the exercise after I have started to get this part under control. I don't want to overwhelm myself by doing it all at once too quickly.
Yesterday I made these amazing Quinoa Pizza Bites I saw from on FaceBook (either from Jess or Laura-- I completely forget who). Well they were AMAZBALLS!!!! Seriously they were amazing. I had to make some adjustments because of not having everything. I haven't been a fan of quinoa because I think the kind of got is too plan but these pizza bites were seriously enough to make me keep trying and trying it.
The recipe--- you take 1 cup of uncooked quinoa and cook it. Then after it is cooked (by instructions on the bag of it) add 1 large eggs and whatever spices you want to add along with cheese (I didn't have cheese and it was still amazing). Then put in small muffin tin and bake at 300 degrees for about 10-15 minutes. Use pizza sauce for dipping sauce. Literally one of the best meals I had in quite a while.
I also had a watermelon smoothie that I made for dessert (thank you Jess for the recipe!!!)
To get extra water in my diet I took Denise's idea and added cucumber, watermelon and lemon to a pitcher of water, let it sit over night and then drink it throughout the day. This is a great way to get your skin to look amazing and have authentic flavored water.
Well it is about time for me to get going to the wineries with the girls-- hopefully you like some of these tips!!!
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Monday, July 15, 2013
You have to start somewhere...
Honestly the last time I was writing a blog it was because people told me I should because I was inspiring them with my weight loss and my immense movie knowledge. But I lost interest in those because they were for other people. I am hoping I do not lose interest in this one because I am writing this one for ME!!! I am in a place where I feel broken and defeated and need help finding myself (yes I realize that is totally corny because that is what I entitled this blog).
And first I want to start-- I hate when people say, "Eric why are you upset, you have so much to be thankful for!" You know what I am thankful everyday but I still am not happy or satisfied. (Hence why I am on depression medication.) More than anything I am disappointed in myself. When I started the weight loss path 5 years ago I weighed 272 lbs (everyone knows their starting weight if they are truly serious about losing weight). Two years later I weighed 197 lbs (for one day I was 189 lbs but I have no idea how that happened-- let's call it DUMB LUCK). Today I weigh 282 lbs. Yes I have gained it all back along with a few extra pounds.
It would appear that for now I am losing the battle...
The sad part is I have not admitted it for a long time because I stopped weighing myself, I stopped looking in mirrors, I would force myself into the clothes I use to wear, and generally I made a fool of myself in the process. Everyone saw it but no one would say anything because they love me! Hell I wouldn't say anything because I love me!!
But then again one of my best friends last week sat down with me and for three hours she just listened to me. I didn't realize how much I had been holding in. I didn't realize how much I had bottled up and shoved deep inside. She was the person who finally looked at me and said, "Eric cut the crap! Look at this photo." At that point she pulled out her cell phone and showed me a picture from three summers ago when I went to San Francisco with my parents. I honestly wanted to start to cry, tears physically came to my eyes because I was ashamed. I had worked that hard and done everything right to now end up like I am today.
I remember that trip like it was yesterday. For two weeks I took a scale around with me and weighed myself every morning. My parents thought I was an idiot, especially my father but what is new with that one. I remember that I was having the time of my life and everyday I weighed in between 196.3 lbs and 198.2 lbs. The one day that I was 200 lbs, well let's just say all HELL broke lose in that hotel room. I honestly look amazing in all those photos but I haven't let myself look at them in a long time because I was so disappointed with myself.
This very dear friend then looked at me and said, "Eric I am not showing you that to make you feel horrible about yourself because no matter what you are amazing. I am showing you that in order to motivate you like you motivate me."
So that is when FINDING MYSELF TODAY was born--- in that moment. I realized I am not the same person I was during that trip. I can't hold myself to that standard anymore. I have changed, I have grown, I have matured, I have lost stability in my life which means that I need to change. And I haven't let myself change-- I have tried to keep to the same standard and the same routine that honestly stopped working a long time ago.
When I wrote that first blog I was in the 'closet' or at least as much in the closet as one can be whenever everyone around me avoids the elephant that was in the room. I can tell you the first time I lost the weight I thought I had to because no one was ever going to love me and accept me for me. So I put on this fake face and fake me that was skinny. The minute I came out of the closet and started telling people that I am gay I suddenly lost one of my excuses for getting thin. I suddenly had options, I could date. People were still loving me and accepting me for the new me.
At first I didn't gain but I can tell you for a fact that me coming out of the closet caused me to begin to gain weight because I never truly dealt with that. Yes I am thrilled that I do not have to hide who I am but I never realized how much people love me and accept me for ME!!
The second reason I gained weight is because I do not know how to handle stress so I eat... I love food--- and you know what, food does NOT like me!!!!
This past year has been a hard one, I had to deal with a lot (that is no excuse--- people have had to deal with worse):
-heartbreak
-being taken advatange of
-friends changing jobs and leaving
-friends moving away
-falling in love (with all the challenges that come with it)
-money issues
-being diagnosed with depression
-a relationship
-friends falling in love and being in relationships
A lot of those might not seem like difficult things but I never came to grips with any of them and realized how much they affected me until last week with my one best friend confronting me. I thank you dearly because she probably saved my life. I can tell you for a fact I was going to eat myself until I got sick.
I could have said you know what I will start at the beginning of the week with trying to improve my lifestyle. Then it would have become, why don't I wait until after my sister's wedding (because we all know that will be a horrible night for eating and drinking). Instead I said let me start right then.
Have I had failures in the last week-- heck yes!! But have I had successes!!! YES YES YES YES YES!!! I am .6 lbs down from last week. I have discovered many new recipes that I LOVE!!!
What this blog is for is to help me realize I am not alone. Realize that I am getting older-- before I know it I will be 30 and I need to discover who I am becoming. I also want to focus on the successes that I find but also the struggles because I know there are others out there who have the exact same struggles and they think it is just them. Well let me tell you-- IT IS NOT YOU!!! We all have those struggles we just tend to keep them to ourselves--- that is how I got to the point I did.
I am not going to let them inside any more-- time to show them to the world. I think of this as my bikini moment!!! (No I won't show you a picture of me in a bikini-- I do not need to scar you.) But I am going to be honest and real and up front with this blog. Because that is the best way to be accountable and see the change that I know I can make!!
Hope you will take this journey with me!! The goal is not weight loss (but that would be one HECK of a benefit)-- the goal is finding me and hopefully helping you to find yourself too!!!!
And first I want to start-- I hate when people say, "Eric why are you upset, you have so much to be thankful for!" You know what I am thankful everyday but I still am not happy or satisfied. (Hence why I am on depression medication.) More than anything I am disappointed in myself. When I started the weight loss path 5 years ago I weighed 272 lbs (everyone knows their starting weight if they are truly serious about losing weight). Two years later I weighed 197 lbs (for one day I was 189 lbs but I have no idea how that happened-- let's call it DUMB LUCK). Today I weigh 282 lbs. Yes I have gained it all back along with a few extra pounds.
It would appear that for now I am losing the battle...
The sad part is I have not admitted it for a long time because I stopped weighing myself, I stopped looking in mirrors, I would force myself into the clothes I use to wear, and generally I made a fool of myself in the process. Everyone saw it but no one would say anything because they love me! Hell I wouldn't say anything because I love me!!
But then again one of my best friends last week sat down with me and for three hours she just listened to me. I didn't realize how much I had been holding in. I didn't realize how much I had bottled up and shoved deep inside. She was the person who finally looked at me and said, "Eric cut the crap! Look at this photo." At that point she pulled out her cell phone and showed me a picture from three summers ago when I went to San Francisco with my parents. I honestly wanted to start to cry, tears physically came to my eyes because I was ashamed. I had worked that hard and done everything right to now end up like I am today.
I remember that trip like it was yesterday. For two weeks I took a scale around with me and weighed myself every morning. My parents thought I was an idiot, especially my father but what is new with that one. I remember that I was having the time of my life and everyday I weighed in between 196.3 lbs and 198.2 lbs. The one day that I was 200 lbs, well let's just say all HELL broke lose in that hotel room. I honestly look amazing in all those photos but I haven't let myself look at them in a long time because I was so disappointed with myself.
This very dear friend then looked at me and said, "Eric I am not showing you that to make you feel horrible about yourself because no matter what you are amazing. I am showing you that in order to motivate you like you motivate me."
So that is when FINDING MYSELF TODAY was born--- in that moment. I realized I am not the same person I was during that trip. I can't hold myself to that standard anymore. I have changed, I have grown, I have matured, I have lost stability in my life which means that I need to change. And I haven't let myself change-- I have tried to keep to the same standard and the same routine that honestly stopped working a long time ago.
When I wrote that first blog I was in the 'closet' or at least as much in the closet as one can be whenever everyone around me avoids the elephant that was in the room. I can tell you the first time I lost the weight I thought I had to because no one was ever going to love me and accept me for me. So I put on this fake face and fake me that was skinny. The minute I came out of the closet and started telling people that I am gay I suddenly lost one of my excuses for getting thin. I suddenly had options, I could date. People were still loving me and accepting me for the new me.
At first I didn't gain but I can tell you for a fact that me coming out of the closet caused me to begin to gain weight because I never truly dealt with that. Yes I am thrilled that I do not have to hide who I am but I never realized how much people love me and accept me for ME!!
The second reason I gained weight is because I do not know how to handle stress so I eat... I love food--- and you know what, food does NOT like me!!!!
This past year has been a hard one, I had to deal with a lot (that is no excuse--- people have had to deal with worse):
-heartbreak
-being taken advatange of
-friends changing jobs and leaving
-friends moving away
-falling in love (with all the challenges that come with it)
-money issues
-being diagnosed with depression
-a relationship
-friends falling in love and being in relationships
A lot of those might not seem like difficult things but I never came to grips with any of them and realized how much they affected me until last week with my one best friend confronting me. I thank you dearly because she probably saved my life. I can tell you for a fact I was going to eat myself until I got sick.
I could have said you know what I will start at the beginning of the week with trying to improve my lifestyle. Then it would have become, why don't I wait until after my sister's wedding (because we all know that will be a horrible night for eating and drinking). Instead I said let me start right then.
Have I had failures in the last week-- heck yes!! But have I had successes!!! YES YES YES YES YES!!! I am .6 lbs down from last week. I have discovered many new recipes that I LOVE!!!
What this blog is for is to help me realize I am not alone. Realize that I am getting older-- before I know it I will be 30 and I need to discover who I am becoming. I also want to focus on the successes that I find but also the struggles because I know there are others out there who have the exact same struggles and they think it is just them. Well let me tell you-- IT IS NOT YOU!!! We all have those struggles we just tend to keep them to ourselves--- that is how I got to the point I did.
I am not going to let them inside any more-- time to show them to the world. I think of this as my bikini moment!!! (No I won't show you a picture of me in a bikini-- I do not need to scar you.) But I am going to be honest and real and up front with this blog. Because that is the best way to be accountable and see the change that I know I can make!!
Hope you will take this journey with me!! The goal is not weight loss (but that would be one HECK of a benefit)-- the goal is finding me and hopefully helping you to find yourself too!!!!
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